The Long Commute

The deck master

The 15 cards, two copies of each

• Barista, Opening ShiftStandard

  1 mana Minion, 1/2

  Her customer-service voice won’t be ready for another coffee.

  She unlocks the café, starts the machines, and supplies caffeine to people who arrived without usable personalities. Her hands know the job even while the rest of her catches up. Asking why she looks tired before she has finished making your coffee is a bold assessment of your own importance.

• First in LineStandard

  1 mana Minion, 2/1

  She got here early enough to be angry that you aren’t open.

  An exceptionally determined customer who treats arriving earliest as both a practical achievement and a moral distinction. She has been waiting long enough to develop detailed opinions about the service before receiving any. Anyone trying to pass her should have a convincing emergency and be prepared for follow-up questions.

• Courier on a BikeStandard

  2 mana Minion, 2/2. Skirmish

  Pedestrians are just traffic with worse armour.

  A bicycle courier who carries deliveries through crowded streets by making enthusiastic use of very small gaps. She is accustomed to arriving quickly and dealing with obstacles while already moving. The bell is intended to help you, although she seems willing to accept your surprise as an alternative.

• BouncerStandard

  3 mana Minion, 2/4. Guard

  Knowing the owner is not the threat you think it is.

  A professional door supervisor whose job is to decide who comes in and physically assist anyone struggling with the answer. She is strong, patient, and familiar with every variation of “Do you know who I am?” If identification were the problem, she would have asked for some.

• Night NurseStandard

  3 mana Minion, 2/3. Arrival: restore 2 health to a friendly minion.

  She’ll save your life, but she is absolutely cutting those trousers off.

  She treats injuries through the night with steady hands and very little patience for patients making them worse. Blood, panic, and embarrassing explanations are all routine. She will keep you alive without judging how you got hurt, although the silence after your explanation may feel remarkably specific.

• Union StewardStandard

  4 mana Minion, 2/3. Arrival: draw a card.

  Management preferred it when nobody read the contract.

  An elected worker representative who knows the agreement, keeps the records, and makes sure her colleagues have the information they need. She asks management precise questions and waits for usable answers. Calling everyone a family has become much less effective since she started asking which relatives receive overtime.

• Window CleanerStandard

  4 mana Minion, 3/5. Reach

  Forty floors up and still dealing with people who tap the glass.

  A professional cleaner accustomed to working high above the street with a long pole and very little protection from foolishness. Heights do not bother her, and things hovering within reach are quite manageable. Whatever you are, if you’ve just put a mark on glass she already cleaned, you should move.

• The Last Bus DriverStandard

  5 mana Minion, 3/6. Guard

  Exact fare is still required during the end of the world.

  She keeps a bus moving for the people who still need to get home, even when the roads have become unreasonable. Years behind the wheel have made her sturdy and difficult to intimidate. She has already dealt with passengers who believe shouting changes the route, so your approach is not especially original.

• Overnight SupervisorStandard

  6 mana Minion, 5/8

  She can lift you, and this is becoming relevant to the conversation.

  A powerful, tireless woman responsible for keeping the night’s work moving and the stock where it belongs. She is used to shifting heavy things that other people have left in inconvenient places. Continuing to block the aisle after she asks you to move is volunteering to be handled by the same procedure.

• Cut OffStandard

  1 mana Action. Deal 2 damage to a minion.

  Arguing that you’re sober works better when you’re facing the bartender.

  The bartender ends someone’s drinking session and takes control of the glass before the situation gets worse. A customer who responds badly may need a firmer explanation delivered at close range. This is usually followed by an indignant account of events that omits the part where they grabbed her.

• PaperworkRare

  3 mana Action. Draw two cards.

  Please describe the emergency in the space provided.

  Records are checked, forms completed, and useful information extracted from a pile that everyone else hoped would disappear. Doing it properly provides options that were previously buried under someone’s unfinished filing. The work is tedious, but so is explaining why an important document has a sandwich printed on it.

• Closing TimeRare

  2 mana Reaction. When an enemy minion attacks, deal 4 damage to it.

  You can leave under your own steam or someone else’s grip.

  The staff begin clearing the room, and someone decides that the end of service is the ideal moment to start swinging. They receive a forceful correction from people who would quite like to go home. Nobody fighting for honour has ever looked as committed as someone watching their last bus approach.

• UmbrellaStandard

  1 mana Equipment, hands. +1/+2, and the equipped minion has Reach.

  Flight is a majestic gift until a commuter pokes you with a stick.

  A portable rain shelter with a long handle and enough reach to discourage something hovering overhead. It is familiar, easy to carry, and surprisingly persuasive when jabbed at an unwelcome face. The manufacturer probably intended the reinforced ribs for wind, but the manufacturer is not currently being attacked.

• The All-Night CaféEpic

  3 mana Location. At the end of your turn, restore 1 health to each friendly minion.

  The coffee tastes like survival, which is not a compliment.

  A warm place to sit, eat something, and recover while the rest of the city is closed or actively unpleasant. The staff keep serving whoever comes through the door. Nobody expects you to explain the state of your clothes before ordering, which is more dignity than most institutions provide.

• The LaundromatRare

  3 mana Location. At the end of your turn, give a friendly minion +1/+1.

  You survived the battle with both socks, so don’t get attached.

  A practical refuge where filthy, exhausted people can wash their clothes and recover a little of their composure. Sitting through a full cycle does more good than continuing to stagger around in yesterday’s disaster. The machines still demand exact payment, because apparently the end of civilisation has not improved their generosity.